Insensitive Jackass

Originally posted on the family blog:

How many of you have met an insensitive jackass, or worse, been one? It's no secret that our family has challenges and issues. Our oldest, Hyrum, has been diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum. To an outsider, he would appear to be a super-active, uncontrollable teenage brat. However, those who know him know that he is not physically able to sit still. He gets his enormous growth pattern from me, his father. He is just the size of a teenager, but just turned 9 on 20 December, which was yesterday as of this writing. Most people who get to know him, love him in spite of his difficulties.

As you can imagine, this leads to occasions where his inability for silence and stillness are a determent to him and his family. Mainly, Church, but especially sacrament meeting. Today was the easiest to have to sit through. The annual Christmas program. No High Councilor talks to put you to sleep. No open-mic travelogues or thankamonies to cringe through. Just Christmas music.

It's a small miracle that we come to church every Sunday. With Hyrum just turning nine and his 4 younger brothers in tow, Sacrament meetings turn into 3-ring circus events, with us as the clowns, or the idiots for even attempting it in the first place. Church is the place where you are supposed to feel the Spirit; to renew and invigorate for the week to come; to be among friends.

Given the emotional week that we had, with the miscarriage, the D&C, me coming home so late on Friday and just this morning, sick kids, Sara stayed home with the three youngest boys. So all I had were the oldest two. The two that most people would think should be able to sit still through the easiest Sacrament meeting of the year. But one of the children was my sweet Hyrum. And as you can imagine, he couldn't just sit still and listen to the off-key singing of songs celebrating the birth of our Savior. He fought with Noah, fidgeted like he was "feeling the spirit" at a southern revival, and got up and left a number of times. I sent him home at one point, only to have him come back in after apparently playing in the snow. He decided to kick the snow off of his shoes at the chair set up right by the doors so the teacher or extra deacon can close them during the sacrament and hand out programs. So in other words, it was a usual Sunday.

Despite all of this, I was really enjoying the meeting, and honestly feeling the Spirit. It was almost over, during the first verse of the closing song, when this old man comes up and tells Hyrum that "[he] disrupted the whole meeting." Hyrum replies, "What's the problem, I'm just a kid?" The old man barks in response, "You're the problem!!" and goes back to his seat.

I couldn't finish the song. It totally punctured a hole in my happy balloon. I looked at Hyrum, and he looked back at me and asked "what?". I couldn't speak or say anything. I was floored. The meeting ended and we came home.

Of course I told Sara about the event, and she made a few calls, and left a message on his machine. He called back, but not to apologize, but to further humiliate us. "I'm not attacking the child, I'm talking about his parents. Your husband was sitting there like a zombie while he disrupted the meeting. After I told him to stop, several people came up to me and said 'I'm so glad you did that. We should have done that sooner.' "

To further stoke the fire: this idiotic cold-hearted jackass used to be the Bishop of our ward. We're glad that he wasn't in charge when we got here. Our current bishop talked to Sara on the phone and was so apologetic and wanted to know if he could do anything to help. We have to wonder how much damage control our bishop has to do from the old man's current remarks or past actions as bishop.

People don't realize the production that goes into a church event for us. They don't realize what has to be done to get five boys nine and under to church every Sunday, or even what it takes to get two boys off to school 5 days a week. Hyrum fights going to Church every Sunday. Every Sunday we have to tell him that no, it's not Conference and yes, he has to go to Church. Once, two years ago, a girl at school told Hyrum that the coat he was wearing made him look fat. He never wore that coat again. This old man doesn't realize that him trying to do my job or "offer constructive criticism" will probably be remembered by don't-forget-anything-Hyrum for years to come, or maybe for the rest of his life.

Don't get me wrong. I want Hyrum to sit still. I did my best to encourage him to do so. It's just not that easy with him.

We're going to keep going to Church here. No words or actions of stupid people are going to affect the salvation of me and my family. One day, all this crap will be worth it. Then we'll look at the young couples struggling and smile. One thing about having these kinds of difficulties is that makes us so much more tolerant to disruptions and for people with disabilities and challenges.

I'm sure in a past fit of rage, I've cursed Hyrum to have 5 just like him. I really don't wish that on him. I would love to have 5 little angels sitting on the row, but that isn't our fate in life.

quick updates and events

Since I have decided to not blog at work, it leaves me very little time to actually write. I wanted to give a quick update of things:

• St. George Vacation: Last week, we went to St. George, UT for a quick vacation. It was probably the first one we have had as a family. Driving there, my wife was quoted as saying, "We really had a great time. All except the car ride. It was exactly as I remember. Just alot more people in the car than we had. It was a little like hell only louder." Having a vacation always seemed like an excess, or show of wealth. The company I work for owns condos at various locations here in the intermountain west. With housing paid for, all we have to cover is gas, food, and extras. It is the only way we can afford to actually go on vacation. It was a lot of fun and great to get away, even if it was only for 3 days. Before I moved to Utah, I never would have driven 300 miles one way to go on vacation.
• TV Affiliates: I grew up in Charleston, SC. We had our own local TV stations. My wife grew up in Augusta, GA. She had her own local TV stations. Columbia, SC is 100 miles from Charleston, and 60 miles from Augusta. They have their own local TV stations. Out here, St. George does NOT have it's own local TV stations. Cedar City, which is 60 miles north of St. George does not have it's own local TV. How local can Salt Lake City news be to a city that is 300 miles away? That's like Atlanta local stations serving Charlotte. Unheard of back home, but accepted here. I guess the population density is a whole lot lower here than back home. There are miles and miles of open space in between Stansbury and St. George. St. George is actually closer to Vegas than they are to here. In the South, there were tons of little communities everywhere. I imagine most of them started because some pioneer wife back in the 16 to 1800s put her foot down and said, "I am not going a step further!!"
  
• Wife projects: When my wife gets a project in her head, it has to be done right then and there. Come hell or high water, by gosh it's getting done. An example of this would be her recent Twilight obsession reading that started when we went on vacation and didn't end until yesterday (Aug 26, a week later). A previous example was when she wanted the insulation done in the new family room, and required it to be done right then, even though it was a Sunday. But I did it anyway.
• School: Hyrum and Noah went back to school last week. Hyrum is in 3rd grade and Noah started 1st. Daniel starts his pre-school the day after Labor Day, which was the original start of school back in them olden days. Exciting times in the Lynes home.
  
• Looking forward: It should be 75 degrees on Labor Day. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to my in-laws coming out to visit in October. I've got something special planned for Sara's birthday (November), but it's such a secret right now that I'm not telling or even giving mention of what it could be. I'm also looking forward to developing in .NET again. For the last few months, I've been fixing bugs in C and Java. Our software does some really neat and great things. It helps public safety groups do their jobs.
  
• Keep on rocking: Rest in peace, Leroi Moore. An original founding member and saxophone player of the Dave Matthews Band died last week. Leroi was a vital part of the unique sound of their music. I'm not sure how DMB is going to sound without him.
• Service Project: I wrote about helping with the Church harvest. I thought I was helping to harvest corn, but it turned out to be wheat. I drove a truck from the field to the silos. As I was dumping my load that was piped up into the silo/grain elevator, I noticed a few Mormon crickets that were trying to escape the bin and get out. We still have the cricket problems around here. The difference is, well, let's just say that the Church's wheat is NOT organic. One of those crickets got lucky, escaped, and jumped on my chest. Yes, I screamed like a little girl. I'm glad no one was around...